Stepparents: Use Your Pain for Good

16 06 2011

If you’ve read my book or subscribed to Becoming a Stepmom or listened to Stepmom Circles for a while, then you’ll know that I prefer to wear rose-colored glasses. I like happy endings. I love being able to turn my own pain into good by using it to help others. I suppose you could say that approach has been a coping method and I suppose that’s true. For me to think that I’m going through pain for no reason! No. Too much for me to bear.

So I have a challenge for you this month if you’re willing to accept it: How can you use your pain for good? How can you transform it into something you can help another person with?

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6 responses

17 06 2011
Carrie

Befriend another stepmom. Share the pain with her privately. Vent with someone who understands.

2 07 2011
La Madrastra

Misery loves company. Whatever hellish experience you’re enduring, there’s another step-mother out there who’s dealing with the same mess. Seeing others in the same situation tends to alleviate pain.

21 07 2011
Kym

I can relate, What role does a stepparent play. I don’t know where boundries start or end???

10 11 2011
greenmelody

Recently I have been in a lot of pain related to all of the complications of a step-family. While reading this post, I heard my 3 year old step daughter talking to her mother on her fake phone. At first this made me upset, because I do everything for her when she is here and there isn’t a whole lot of appreication for what I do. I took a deep breath, realized why I was actually upset (not feeling appreciated), and asked my step-daughter if she would like to call her mom on the real phone. She was so excited and seeing the smile on her face really made me feel better. This was a great step for me! Thank you!

4 01 2012
Mama

Yeah, it definitely helps me to have a focus when the waters start feeling rough again. In the midst of my ex’s infidelity my counselor told me that at the end of it all I would come out either bitter or stronger, but not simply stay the same. And she was right. Sounds kind of trite, but it’s true: what doesn’t kill us DOES make us stronger!

For me, I’m a verbal processor and figuring out how do do life in my new (1yr old marriage) where we each have brought 3 small children into the mix takes a lot of verbal processing! lol! So I finally decided to start a blog – which I think helps me process and focus, and maybe others too. I think verbal processing through writing brings me back around in a way that maybe just chatting about it doesn’t – where I can too easily get mired in complaining or comparing.

Thanks for the post, a great reminder!

16 01 2013
healthystepfamily

I agree with you. I have decided to make my experiences as a step mom (some of them painful) useful. My first priority is to make them useful for children living in step families, and secondly for step moms.

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