New Stepmom Circles Podcast: The Ex-Wife. A Bio Mom Speaks.

8 06 2010

Why can’t stepmoms and bio moms just get along? Well, sometimes, they can. Tune in to this episode of the Stepmom Circles Podcast to hear advice from Jennifer Newcomb Marine, the biological mom to two girls. She and her children’s stepmother Carol co-wrote the book No One’s The Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for the Mother and Stepmother Relationship. They’ve been on Dr. Phil together along with Jennifer’s ex-husband and Carol’s current husband. They’ve put together a series of films that you can watch on their website in which they discuss common problems between moms and stepmoms. In this episode of the free Stepmom Circles Podcast, I talk with Jennifer about how stepmoms and moms can put down their guns and see each other through new eyes. Though not every mom-stepmom team can do what Jennifer and Carol have managed to do, we can at least take some of their tips and apply them to our own lives to see if we can make things run more smoothly.

Find out more about Jennifer and Carol at http://www.noonesthebitch.com.

Want to talk about today’s show? Join the Stepmom Circles group on FaceBook.

How Do I Listen? Click the links above for this show or click HERE to see a list of all the Stepmom Circles episodes.





Ask the Experts Day: March 24

23 03 2010

Stepmom Magazine is hosting an Ask the Experts Day on their FaceBook Fan Page on Wednesday, March 24 from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. EST. It’s FREE and all you have to do is be a member of FaceBook and a fan of the magazine to participate. I am sad to say that I won’t be able to join the conversation this time, but if you have questions sign on and chat with my colleagues and fellow stepfamily book authors: Wednesday Martin, Jennifer Newcomb Marine, Susan Wisdom and many more.





Need Stepmoms and Bio Moms who Don’t Get Along

27 10 2009

Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Carol Marine, the Mom and Stepmom team and authors of No One’s The Bitch need our help, ladies! See Jennifer’s message below:

I need your urgent help! Can you help us absolutely plaster the internet with our request?

Carol and I have the opportunity to be on the Dr. Phil show next Tuesday and are doing a pre-interview with a producer today. We’re looking for two stepmom/mom sets of women who can’t stand each other who are willing to be on the show with us on Tuesday, Nov. 3rd. If the show/we can’t come up with an unhappy counterpart to “us,” then we won’t be on either! We’re trying to find someone as soon as possible.

I know the idea of baring your soul (and neck) on national television is kind of scary, but it’s a real chance at creating some movement and understanding in this relationship, and could potentially help a lot of folks as they vicariously share the experience. Mom and stepmom participants would have the opportunity to get some focused help from him… and us! Also, hotel and airfare for the trip would be covered by the show.

It sure would feel great to help contribute to a breakthrough between people — these relationships can be so painful and fraught, and yet, when you finally make a connection, so incredibly healing and supportive too. Think about it…. The benefits of a more cooperative relationship between stepmoms and moms, even if it’s simply more of a business arrangement, include:

a cohesive set of rules between the houses so that the children can’t manipulate the adults, escape consequences

stronger, more stable marriages with less gossiping, venting, negative focus

better parenting; more brainstorming and support from the people who know the kids best

happier children who have more of a contained “nest” for them

less stress for everyone all around

I’m sure we’re all in agreement about how important it is to increase media coverage for stepmom, stepfamily, and dual-family issues (including the single parents) after divorce and remarriage. Why is hardly anyone talking about the dynamics — and risks — of these two-family situations, or better yet, how to navigate them in a healthy way?? With an almost 75% divorce rate for stepfamilies, and a lack of “mended relationship” models for children to internalize (and draw from later as adults), there’s a lot at stake! Getting on Dr. Phil would be one way to encourage a larger dialogue.

Interested? If so, drop me (Jennifer Newcomb Marine) a line at: marine2marine@gmail.com.

Thanks in advance for your help!!

Cheers,

Jennifer

No One’s the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for Mothers and Stepmothers (Globe Pequot 2009)

~~Strengthening Families, One Mother/Stepmother Partnership at a Time~~





The Ex Wife: Book Giveaway

24 06 2009

I’m thrilled to announce that I have four signed copies of No One’s The Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for the Mother and Stepmother Relationshipby mom and stepmom team Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Carol Marine to giveaway to my readers! This passage is from the introduction of the book:

“It’s a nasty word, BITCH.

It’s one thing if you’re standing up in the face of injustice to do the right thing–who cares if anything things you’re a bitch? But being thought of as a bitch in general is another thing altogether.

No one wants that.

And yet, here’s the setup between ex-wife and stepmother: The other woman, no matter which side you start from, is automatically a bitch. You’ll find plenty of ammunition to lob from friends, family, and coworkers–heck, from people you barely even know. Start out any story about “the ex-wife” or “the stepmother” and people have already helped you pull the pin, ready to take her down. The land stretching between mother and stepmother is littered with such landmines. Good luck tiptoeing around them.

And isn’t it irritating to know the other side is almost certainly calling you a bitch?!”

The book is filled with ideas to help manage this challenging relationship. To win a free copy of the book, comment on this post by Friday, June 26, with your best strategy for dealing with the ex or the stepmother in your life and I’ll randomly choose four people to send the book to.





Happy On Sale Day!

5 05 2009

There are a bunch of books I’ve been telling you all about for a while, and I’m happy to say that you can get your hands on them today! If you don’t see them on the shelf in your local bookstore, you can purchase them from any online retailer. I’m busy building my resources page and will add these books to my list but in the meantime, here’s a description of each to get you started:

bitchNo One’s The Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for Mothers and Stepmothers by Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Carol Marine

What it is: A humorous, yet helpful take on navigating the minefield that typically exists between moms and stepmoms.

Why it’s relevant: Over a thousand new stepfamilies form every day! Imagine all those women out there, dealing with a stepmom or bio-mom and slogging through resentment, power struggles, miscommunication, a lack of shared purpose, and worst of all, boatloads of stress. We need a new model for partnership between the two women “stuck with each other” in this situation. When they work together, marriages are stronger, children are happier, and there’s less hair loss all around.

How it will help people: No One’s the Bitch is the kind of book we wish we could have read when we first met! Ten powerful concepts and true-life stories will walk readers past the point of traditional antagonism and into a revolutionary new approach. They’ll learn how to create harmony and cooperation with the other woman along a spectrum of successful possibilities.

As readers increase the sense of cohesion between the two families, they’ll also regain a feeling of control, mastery, and confidence. Helplessness will be replaced by tools for mastery, conflict will be replaced by communication, and both sides will be inspired by a new vision of an extended family that actually works for all involved.

 

package-dealThe Package Deal: My (Not-So) Glamorous Transition From Single Gal to Instant Mom by Izzy Rose

In today’s version of Sex and the City, Mr. Big would have kids, and Carrie Bradshaw would look and sound a lot like Izzy Rose, a hilarious and chic new stepmother trying to come to terms with “the package deal.” On any given day, 1,300 women agree to join the ranks of the 15 million and counting stepmothers currently living in the United States, and THE PACKAGE DEAL: My (Not-So) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom chronicles one woman’s outrageously funny and poignant journey from sophisticated, single gal in San Francisco to married with (step)children in Texas, where she reinvents the stepmother role for a new generation of daring, confident women.

Falling in love turns many women’s lives upside down, but for the millions of women who fall for men with children from previous relationships, love often leaves them wondering how they ended up raising another woman’s kids. At 35, Izzy was a successful TV producer, living the good life as a “middle-class socialite” in San Francisco. She’s perfectly content to be unmarried and kidless—and then along comes Hank, an irresistible Southern gentleman with two kids of his own. In the parenting department, she’s a total amateur, but she does bring one strength to the new arrangement: she speaks the blended family language. She was a stepkid herself.

stepmonsterStepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do by Wednesday Martin

How many times have you picked up a book for stepmothers–only to find that its focus is how you can make things better for the kids and their dad? How often have you sought out support and sympathy–only to get an earful of “you shoulds”? Wednesday Martin, a parenting journalist, stepfamily researcher, and stepmother, believed it was time that someone explore stepmothering in a new way–from the stepmother’s point of view. Stepmonster asks how repartnering with a man with kids affects her — psychologically, socially, economically. It also sets out to explode the myths—like the myth of the blended family and the myth of the maternal stepmother—that have clouded our view of who women with stepchildren are and what they ought to be able to accomplish. Far more than mere replacement parents, Martin insists, women with stepchildren of any age are people first, with their own emotional and cultural baggage to bear.

Going far beyond the usual perfunctory recipes for “how to do it better,” Stepmonster is truly stepmother-centric. It offers real life stories of women with stepchildren gleaned from interviews; first-person confessions from an author who has been there; perspectives from fields like anthropology and evolutionary biology; and a readable synthesis of the psychological and sociological literature on stepmothering, allowing women with stepchildren to see themselves as part of a larger story that is rich in meaning and social significance. On a practical level, Stepmonster suggests, in an unexpected twist, that the Wicked Stepmother may actually be our single best tool for understanding ourselves, and for finding a way to navigate through the stepmothering difficulties that can threaten to overwhelm us. Whether you’re a new stepmother or have been at it for decades, Stepmonster is sure to surprise you—and provide the compassion and understanding you deserve.





Stepmom Book Club

14 04 2009

Good morning M’Ladies:

I recently came across a fantastic resource for stepfamilies (thanks Jen!) The Library Journal printed an article Stepfamily Ties, which includes reviews of several stepfamily books to help librarians build collections that will really help stepfamilies. Check it out for some great reads. Here are a few noteworthy reviews from the article by my blogger pals:

bitchNo One’s The Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for the Mother and Stepmother Relationship. by Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Carol Marine 

“Bitch is a worthy, energetic workbook…Chatty and funny, it provides useful ideas (e.g., make small offerings) and sound how-to (e.g., greet each other when the kids swap houses). Fill-in-the-blank sections pose a defacement risk, though the positive tone outweighs it.”

package-dealThe Package Deal: My (Not-So) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom by Izzy Rose.

“This candid, optimistic memoir readably recounts Rose’s journey from single San Franciscan to stepmother of two adolescent boys in Texas. Clear-eyed, funny observations complement 21 “rules of motherhood” (e.g., compromise but without sacrificing yourself) and show how real people blend.”

And they included my book, yay!

bookcoverA Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom: Expert Advice from Other Stepmoms on How To Juggle Your Job, Your Marriage, and Your New Stepkids by Jacquelyn B. Fletcher

“Fletcher’s excellent what-to-expect guide is perfect for women who were single with no kids before they married into stepchildren. Anecdotes and snippets from stepfamily experts are conversational yet illuminating.”








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