Manage Your Relationship With His Ex

28 10 2008

1) Set a meeting. When’s the best time to meet the biological mother of your stepchildren? That depends. If you’ve been in your stepchildren’s lives and they talk about you all the time, Mom may request a meeting. Some women meet for the first time at school functions. Others don’t meet until after an engagement or wedding. What feels like the best time to meet her to you?

2) Decide on your approach. What do you hope for your relationship with your stepkids’ bio mom? What do you think is appropriate? Will you be okay if she rejects any advances you make? 

3) Focus on the kids. Make the children the focus of your conversations. Unless you become friends, can you keep discussions on topics related to the children? 

4) Be respectful. This relationship can be incredibly awkward. What will you do to make it easier for everyone involved? Sometimes that means staying out of the middle of things. Sometimes that could mean becoming an active parenting partner with her. Can you understand how she might be feeling? 
 
5) Determine your exit strategy. If you and she can’t get along, it’s best to minimize the tension any way you can for the sake of the kids. How will you gracefully decline from participating in any drama?

From A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom (HarperCollins 2007)

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