Need Stepmoms and Bio Moms who Don’t Get Along

27 10 2009

Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Carol Marine, the Mom and Stepmom team and authors of No One’s The Bitch need our help, ladies! See Jennifer’s message below:

I need your urgent help! Can you help us absolutely plaster the internet with our request?

Carol and I have the opportunity to be on the Dr. Phil show next Tuesday and are doing a pre-interview with a producer today. We’re looking for two stepmom/mom sets of women who can’t stand each other who are willing to be on the show with us on Tuesday, Nov. 3rd. If the show/we can’t come up with an unhappy counterpart to “us,” then we won’t be on either! We’re trying to find someone as soon as possible.

I know the idea of baring your soul (and neck) on national television is kind of scary, but it’s a real chance at creating some movement and understanding in this relationship, and could potentially help a lot of folks as they vicariously share the experience. Mom and stepmom participants would have the opportunity to get some focused help from him… and us! Also, hotel and airfare for the trip would be covered by the show.

It sure would feel great to help contribute to a breakthrough between people — these relationships can be so painful and fraught, and yet, when you finally make a connection, so incredibly healing and supportive too. Think about it…. The benefits of a more cooperative relationship between stepmoms and moms, even if it’s simply more of a business arrangement, include:

a cohesive set of rules between the houses so that the children can’t manipulate the adults, escape consequences

stronger, more stable marriages with less gossiping, venting, negative focus

better parenting; more brainstorming and support from the people who know the kids best

happier children who have more of a contained “nest” for them

less stress for everyone all around

I’m sure we’re all in agreement about how important it is to increase media coverage for stepmom, stepfamily, and dual-family issues (including the single parents) after divorce and remarriage. Why is hardly anyone talking about the dynamics — and risks — of these two-family situations, or better yet, how to navigate them in a healthy way?? With an almost 75% divorce rate for stepfamilies, and a lack of “mended relationship” models for children to internalize (and draw from later as adults), there’s a lot at stake! Getting on Dr. Phil would be one way to encourage a larger dialogue.

Interested? If so, drop me (Jennifer Newcomb Marine) a line at: marine2marine@gmail.com.

Thanks in advance for your help!!

Cheers,

Jennifer

No One’s the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for Mothers and Stepmothers (Globe Pequot 2009)

~~Strengthening Families, One Mother/Stepmother Partnership at a Time~~

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5 responses

27 10 2009
Nancy Peters

I am a custodial stepmom of 3, birth mom to 4 and adoptive mom to 3, i have 7 still at home. My step kids BM is over the edge, one who will not take blame for anything she has ever done, death threats to me, name calling in front of the children, sending messages through the kids instead of talking to the exhusband, she is a very bitter woman. I have never met her face to face but she has decided to make my life hell when ever possible.

28 10 2009
Stepmom

I have two stepdaughters, 14 and 17, no biological children. The ex-wife has done nothing but cause me problems for the last five years since I met my husband. We’ve been married for 2.5 years. She cheated on and left my husband and separated the girls. The 17 year old lives with us, the 14 year old lives with her. When the 17 started to hang with her friends on the weekends and not want to see her mother on the weekends, the ex withheld the younger daughter from her father. She actually admitted it to him. Then conveniently forgot that admission and couldn’t remember why the younger daughter wasn’t with her Dad every weekend. Then she offered to fix it by all of them having lunch together. My husband has not had a civil conversation with her in the last six years since the divorce, let alone a meal. I think she’s lost her mind sometimes. The older daughter actually told me once, and this is a direct quote, “My Mom doesn’t like you because you treat us better than she does.” Now, I have never said a cross word about their mother and try to be positive at all time, even if I’m angry. So I replied, “You are both good girls and deserve to be treated well”. I’ve only seen the ex a few times at drop offs – there’s never been a conversation. So while I would love to be on Dr. Phil to mend this relationship and the whole family, I don’t think she would go for it. But I hope you find some willing family, because this is a HUGE issue. I will watch for the show to see what I can learn. Thanks for the support and encouragement!!

29 11 2009
Brandi

I have a 20 year old stepdaughter who hates me because her mother had been causing problems between us for a year. She was jealous because her daughter & I had a great relationship, hanging out, going shopping and having talks about my stepdaughters problems. I was there for her and her mother didnt like it, so she started harrassing me on the computer. My husband and I ended up having a child together and now his ex & my stepdaughter are saying its not his baby, and my stepdaughter wants nothing at all to do with her brother. I personally think his daughter is jealous because she isnt the only child anymore and our son will have more attention than she did, because my husband was always working when she was growing up. There are several more problems that go along with this, but is way too long to explain or it would be a novel. I can not stand this woman, and the ONLY reason I havent punched her is because my husband would be mad =0).

30 04 2010
heidi

I would love to be on the show, as hopefully it would finally be an end to the bio-mom’s jealousy. First off the only thing that I’m gulity of is marrying her ex-husband. This has been a 5 year nightmare as she will not stop short of using her kids to get even , no matter if it even hurts her kids in the meantime. I now have her 15 year old living with myself and her father. This has been a rollercoaster from the start. No matter what I do, nothing is ever good enough where my step-daughter is concerned. I hear nothing but he doesn’t spend enough time with her, to him working long hours to her children are so emotional as excuses from bio-mom to explain her children’s bad behavior. HELP!!!

16 10 2010
Maegan Phillips

I am a step mother to 3 children, 2 of which are from my Husbands Ex-wife…TO say the least she and I do not get along, and both of us have our reasons…my because I honestly think what she is doing to the children is more than wrong…her, I have no clue why she doesn’t like me, other than the mud slinging in the beginning of mine and my husbands relationship. I would personally love to be on the show, but I doubt it seriously that she would do anything to help the situation.

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