What Do You and Your Husband Talk About?

23 03 2010

When your stepchildren are at their mom’s house, or in their rooms, or at a friend’s house, what do you and your husband talk about? Do you badmouth the ex? Complain about the in-laws? Curse the family court system? Check out this quote from an article by Denise Ngo in Tango magazine:

“A recent study published in Psychological Science says that people are happier when they spend more time discussing meaningful topics than engaging in small talk. Seventy-nine college students had their conversations recorded and analyzed by researchers, who distinguished between chit-chat about the food or the weather from discussions about philosophy, education, or religion. Subjects who reported the greatest amount of satisfaction spent only 10 percent of their conversation on small talk, while the unhappiest subjects kept 28.3 of their talking time in the shallow end. Researchers have yet to conclude whether people are happy because they can talk deeply, or whether they talk deeply because they are happy.”

Marriage researcher John Gottman, has also written about how couples who feel like they have a higher purpose for being together are happier. For instance, couples who volunteer together or plan an exciting future they can look forward to find greater meaning in their relationship. For the next week, pay attention to what you and your spouse talk about. At least once take the time to talk about something bigger — your dreams, your goals, your hopes. Talk about the things you want to do before you die. Talk about what kind of contribution you both want to make to the world.




3 responses

24 03 2010
Life of a Stepmama

We do not talk about small talk often at all. A lot of our conversations are about our lives, what we want to plan for our future and for the son’s future. We dicuss PEG and how we are going to handle things. We talk about other friends lives and how much we appreacite ours. I thin k you feel a deeper connection with your spouse when you are able to open up about anything or dicuss what is going on in the world. Sure everyone has those days when they do not want to talk and they want to watch TV, or enjoy eachother in silence. I am going to start paying more attention, great post.

29 03 2010

My husband and I talk about our goals and what’s next for us. He’s my best friend and confidant.


1 04 2010
Peggy Nolan

My husband and I talk about our future together – what we want to do as a married couple, as grandparents, as parents of four daughters who are all getting married. We talk about the things that make us happy, his job, my writing, and we do things together like travel, hike, snowshoe, golf, etc…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: