New Stepmom Circles Podcast: Does Stepmothering Get Easier?

15 07 2010

A new Stepmom Circles Podcast is available! Tune in to hear my discussion with Dr. Ann Orchard about what happens over time in the lives of stepmothers. Does stepfamily life get easier? What happens when the kids leave home or there is a wedding or the birth of a grandchild?

Dr. Ann Orchard is a licensed psychologist who runs stepmother support groups in Edina, Minnesota. I joined one of her support groups before I married my husband. It was a life raft in a chaotic time and I have continued to benefit from her wisdom over the years. Don’t miss this one!

Want to talk about today’s show? Join the Stepmom Circles group on FaceBook.

How Do I Listen? Click on the links to the show above or visit HERE for all of the Stepmom Circles shows.


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6 03 2013
Leslie

I have been a stepmom for 30 years n I feel more like an outsider everyday. My stepchildren are 35 n 32 now…I feel as if we are basically strangers n I feel so empty inside…I have nothing left to give n I am becoming more n more depressed.

The children were 4 years n 18 months when I met their recently separated father (mom had fallen in live with her hair salon boss). I became attached pretty quickly n we married about a year later. Things were good when the kids were younger n we had a child together early on. As the kids grew into their teen years things changed…not sure why? Possibly ‘loyalty’ issues with the mother? Or the children’s own issues from divorce? Our son was accepted n loved by his brother n sister… But I have never felt this way.

I tried to make a good home…they came on weekends. Never asked them to do chores,…only wanted us to focus on family time. Took nice vacations together…always made sure they half nice birthdays…christmas’s… Gave.?gave…gave. Less n less back as they grew…

Now…never hear from the oldest married son at all… He calls my husband 1-2 x a week…has his own issues… OCD…anxiety…troubled marriage. The girl has a daughter…we watch her quite often… 3-4 x a week…most week ends included… Husband has a hard time saying no.. I feel used a lot…stepdaughter seems very self centered… Only contact is generally to ask for baby sitting… She is a partier…

Anyway…for years now I’ve been telling my husband how unhappy I am… Feel like they r his family…strangers to me… Barely any contact…. I feel invisible alot… They talk to each other n get along we’ll but I do not feel like part of them… The struggle is becoming harder n harder…

To complicate matters my husband told me several tears ago he had an affair with a neighbor we had before we moved… A ‘friend’ of mine…. The children do not know… So my trust level has been breached with my husband n never totally regained…

My parents died 31 years ago…both in the same year….I was 20-21…

I feel alone quite often… I am happy for my son who is accepted n lived by these children… But I myself am very empty…feel I have nothing left to give…n yet I pretend… When these children r around…I feel I am pretending a lot for their fathers sake… I feel like a stranger in my own home n very unhappy…

Please help me… I search all the time for infor on the web…have seen a counselor…she told me the mother may have helped to place that wall there with the children n too just do things with my husband n b happy…

My stepdaughter continues to use us…for babysitting…$$$,… Etc…. Stepson is well, off now…n will pay for his dad at times for things but rarely me… Just feel like they don’t care about me…

Any thoughts or suggestions?

so sad

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