The Fear Factor

16 02 2011

Do you feel like you’re standing on shifting sands in your relationship? Do you secretly wonder if your partner would return to his ex if it weren’t for you? Do you fear in the quietest parts of your heart that he will go back to her one day? Are you afraid that if it came down to it, he would choose his children over you? Or side with his ex instead of you?

If you feel any of these things, you are not alone! Pretty much every stepmother I’ve ever met has felt a variation of these feelings at one time or another. Those women who weathered these feelings the best were those who were the most confident of their own feelings of self-worth. And that sense of inner security translated to their relationships with their partners.

Rejection is such a strong fear for so many of us that we arm ourselves against it. We don’t give ourselves fully and hold ourselves at arm’s length or we try too hard by jumping in and over-doing with our helpfulness and enthusiasm.

This week, spend a moment alone. Close your eyes and imagine what you would feel like if you weren’t afraid. How would you act if you felt fully loved, fully worthy of love and acceptance by everyone around you? How would you feel if you knew that no matter what happened you would be okay? How would your behavior change? Would you do anything differently?

After you open your eyes write down three things you can do this week to act as if you already felt strong, secure, loved, and fearless. Then do them, you empowered, lovely, generous you!



3 responses

16 02 2011
Adrienne May

I don’t feel this way… except for maybe sometimes I fear that he would choose his children. or that he would side with his ex thinking I am being too hard on his children or something.

23 03 2011

Yes to all of it!!!

30 07 2011

Thank you for this. I desperately needed to be reminded and assured that I can live into the truth that I am loved and I will be ok. I have allowed the fear of the unknown in our relationship and with his girls to paralyze and overwhelm me. Thanks for the encouragement to open my heart and release a bit of my fear.

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