New Stepmom Circles Podcast: The Happy Stepmom

12 05 2010

Listen to this week’s free Stepmom Circles Podcast in which I chat with Dr. Rachelle Katz. Dr. Katz is the author of a new book for stepmothers, The Happy Stepmom. We discuss some of the common challenges of stepmotherhood along with concrete action items you can take home and use with your family. Find out more about Dr. Katz at http://www.stepsforstepmothers.com.

Want to talk about today’s show? Join the Stepmom Circles group on FaceBook.

How Do I Listen? Click the link above for this show or visit HERE to listen to all the shows.





New Stepmom Circles Podcast: Are you a Stepmartyr?

27 04 2010

Dearest Stepmothers: Another free Stepmom Circles Podcast is up! Listen to my discussion with author Wednesday Martin about stepmoms who become stepmartyrs. If you’re bending over too far backward for your stepfamily, you’ll want to listen to this one!

Wednesday Martin is the author of Stepmonster and a frequent guest on the Stepmom Circles Podcast.

How Do I Listen? Episodes of the Stepmom Circles Podcast are available for FREE. Listen online or download them to listen to on your mp3 player.





A Revised Stepmom’s Bill of Rights

22 01 2010

My Dear Stepmamas:

WOW! My post about the Stepmom’s Bill of Rights generated a lively discussion! Many thanks for all of your thoughtful comments. It’s clear to me that, as I discovered while doing research for my book, there are a lot of brave families out there trying to do their best in frightfully difficult circumstances. BUT, there is still hope. As I have said all along, stepfamilies DO make it every single day. So I’d like to propose an alternate version of the Stepmom’s Bill of Rights because I believe that empowered, happy stepmothers mean happy stepfamilies. (And happy stepmothers are flexible stepmothers. Research tells us that the more flexible the members of a stepfamily are, the higher chance that family will stay together!)

A Revised Stepmom’s Bill of Rights

I will create a rock-solid marriage with my husband so we both feel confident in our commitment to each other and the family. I vow to always make fun together a priority.

I have the right to be on the parenting team with my husband but I realize that this takes time to develop.

I understand that stepfamilies are formed out of loss and that the people I’m living with are carrying wounds that will affect them forever.

I will congratulate myself every day on a job well done. Even on days when I’ve done or said things I’m not proud of, I will be gentle and kind with myself because I am a brave, courageous woman.

I will work to feel confident and worthy of love.

I will not look to my stepchildren for validation or self-worth.

I will protect my heart with healthy boundaries that help me to be a more loving and present wife, stepmother, and human being even if that means making difficult choices.

I will forgive my husband, the exes in our lives, my stepchildren, and myself for our human-ness.

I will try to understand what living in our home is like for every member of our family.

I will create a sanctuary for myself and make self-care a priority so I can recharge my batteries.

I will choose my battles.

I understand that control does not equal respect or love.

I realize that I don’t have any control over what the ex or the ex-in-laws or the kids think or do. The only person I have control over is me.

I will ask for what I need instead of making people guess what I need to prove their love for me.

I will find the gifts in being the outsider in a family that formed before I came along.

I will focus on building relationships instead of on who is right and who is wrong.

I will take breaks when I’m angry so I can be calm when I discuss issues that affect me but I have little control over.

I will hold on to the things that remind me of who I am.

I will plan things to look forward to with my husband and with my family.

I will remind myself often of the many reasons I decided to be with my husband.

I will choose hope.

I will choose love.

Much love to you all,

Jacque





A Blended Family Quiz

19 03 2009

Hi Gals:

I’ve just returned from a week in the sun on the sandy beaches of the Mayan Riviera and I couldn’t possibly write anything serious. So here’s a quiz. Read the statements below. Can you identify which stepfamily member would have said them? Hee hee. :)

1. “You’re not the mother!”

a. A stepkid

b. The ex wife

c. Your husband

d. Your new in-laws

e. Your stepchildren’s school officials

f. Your church leaders, colleagues, neighbors, friends, and family

g. All of the above

 

2. “Well, you knew what you were getting into!”

a. A stepkid

b. The ex wife

c. Your husband

d. Your new in-laws

e. Your stepchildren’s school officials

f. Your church leaders, colleagues, neighbors, friends, and family

g. All of the above

 

3. “You’re in love with a man who has kids? Are you crazy?”

a. Your parents

b. Your colleagues

c. Your friends

d. Your family

e. All of the above

 

4. “How could you not love them? They’re kids!”

a. Your friends.

b. Your family

c. Your colleagues

d. Your doctor

e. Your mail delivery person

f. The girl at the checkout counter at the bookstore

g. All of the above

 

5. “I Do!”

a. Your spouse

b. You

c. The kids

d. All of the above

Answers: 1. g, 2. g, 3. e, 4. g, 5. a or b and sometimes c, but not usually.








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