If you’re dating a man with kids from a previous marriage, don’t wait to talk about whether or not you’ll have a child together. The last thing you want to do is find out after the marriage certificate is signed that your new spouse has no intention of having any more kids when you’ve always dreamed of giving birth. (Believe me, girls. I’ve heard this sad story from more than one stepmom!) Make sure you know exactly where you both stand on the baby making issue. Spend an evening at home, spread out a tasty dinner, and uncork the wine. Then use this list of questions to get the discussion flowing:
- Do we want a baby? Why or why not?
- How do we think a new baby will affect our relationship as a couple?
- Will our stepchildren/children welcome a new half-sibling? What can we do to facilitate good feelings?
- Do we think a new baby will affect our relationship with the ex(es)?
- Do we think Stepmom will feel different about the new baby than she feels about her stepchildren? Is that okay?
- Will Stepmom’s child have to follow the same rules as Dad’s kids?
- How will we both feel if we can’t have, or decide not to have, a baby?
- Will you resent your stepchildren if you can’t or don’t have a baby?
- Do we make a good parenting team? If not, how can we become one?
- What if Dad has already had a vasectomy? Is he willing to have a reversal surgery? Can we afford it?