S.M.A.C.K.s for Stepmoms: Just You And Me

18 11 2008

I received a great question from a reader: Can you talk about your spouse’s ex too much with your partner? My response? YES. The ex can easily become the focal point of your new marriage if you’re not careful – especially if there is a lot of tension between the households, a court battle, issues over money, etc. etc. etc. I will do a bigger post on this topic in the near future, but for now remember this: Though it might feel like there is another woman in your marriage, there is only you and your husband. That’s it. No one else can come between you. No one else is in your relationship with each other. Sure, the ex and the kids pull on that bond and test your strength, but at the end of the day your marriage is between you and him. If you find yourself talking about the ex and her actions each day, then consciously decide to only discuss the ex and any issues pertaining to her once a week.

Visit www.smackyourinnercritic.com for more about how to smackdown your Inner Critic.

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Connect With Your Partner

28 10 2008

1) Discuss a topic other than your stepfamily. Have a fun discussion about a play you saw, the latest episode of So You Think You Can Dance, a book you read, a trip you want to take, or the presidential race. 

2) Talk about sex. Buy a copy of Hot Monogamy by Dr. Patricia Love and take a quiz about your sex life. Then make time to implement some of the things you learn about each other.
 
3) Keep your mouth shut. Guys often complain that all we women want to do is talk, talk, talk. So do something active instead. Do a yoga class together. Rent one of those tandem bikes and hit the trail. Take a hike. Go skydiving. Swim in the ocean. Canoe down a river. Spend an afternoon golfing. Organize a touch football game with your friends. Lift weights. Challenge him to a race.
 
4) Kiss for a full minute every single day. Hold hands. Rub each other’s shoulders. With our busy lives it can be incredibly easy to let days slip by without touching your spouse. Make a point of connecting physically with each other every day.
 
5) Plan something special for your partner that doesn’t involve you. Sometimes the best way to connect is to spend time apart. If your husband has a hobby that he loves, send him off for an afternoon so he can indulge in his passions without feeling guilty. Meanwhile, you can do the same. When you meet back up for dinner or dessert, you’ll both feel refreshed.