A Father Speaks

11 03 2009

Bill has three kids from a previous marriage. He sent in his list of things he needs from his wife and the stepmother of his children.

  • Understanding that sometimes the kids are going to have to come first.
  • I apologize for having an ex-wife.
  • Understanding that scheduling is going to be hell and it will be for years to come.
  • I think the father needs to be a buffer between the stepmother and the bio mother if that’s possible.
  • I understand frustration about bio mom but would appreciate it if you don’t make comments about her in front of the kids.
  • Thanks for being understanding about my relationship with my kids because I know you will never feel the same way I do about them.
  • Communication is very, very important.
  • Divorce is not an easy way out. Let’s work through this.

S.M.A.C.K.s: In the Bedroom

28 10 2008

This month, do something to make your bedroom feel like sacred space. Install a lock on the door. Find new, luxurious linens. Blow up a picture from your wedding and find a special frame for it then hang it on the wall. Add some delicious smelling candles. De-clutter your closets. Then make sure the two of you spend time alone together appreciating the sanctuary you’ve created. 

Visit my other site www.smackyourinnercritic.com for more about the art of smacking down the Inner Critic.


S.M.A.C.K.s for Stepmoms: Ask for what you need.

28 10 2008

Since becoming a wife and stepmother, I have said, “I’m sorry,” more than ever before. I’ve had to apologize for letting a comment about one of my stepkids slip out that made my husband feel bad. I’ve had to hold out olive branches to our other household. I’ve had to tell my stepchildren I’m sorry I was in a bad mood or fell asleep before I could tuck them into bed or had to skip the family walk to take care of the baby. But sometimes, I’m not sorry. Sometimes they need to apologize to me. What’s one thing that you think your spouse or stepkids need to apologize for? Instead of holding it in, tell your spouse what you need. Calmly share your feelings with your stepkids and let them know they’ve stepped out of line. The more real you can be with your family members, the richer your relationships will grow.

Visit my other site www.smackyourinnercritic.com for more about the art of smacking down the Inner Critic.

S.M.A.C.K.s for Stepmoms: Talk to each other.

28 10 2008

Have an uncomfortable conversation with your partner. It could be about anything you’ve been avoiding or have had trouble resolving. Only attempt this challenge using the following guidelines.

1.) Listen to each other, for real. Make sure you can see your partner’s point even if you disagree.

2) Do not interrupt.

3.) No contempt, sarcasm, or criticism allowed.

4.) If things get too tense, make a joke or compliment your spouse.

5.) Take ownership of your baggage, assumptions, and victim statements.

6.) Brainstorm creative alternative solutions to your predicament.

And finally, remember that you love each other and you both have good intentions. Sometimes partnership is difficult, but there’s a reason you’re there now willing to go deep with your partner. Before you end this conversation, tell your partner at least three special moments you cherish from your time together.

Visit my other site www.smackyourinnercritic.com for more about the art of smacking down the Inner Critic.