What Do You and Your Husband Talk About?

23 03 2010

When your stepchildren are at their mom’s house, or in their rooms, or at a friend’s house, what do you and your husband talk about? Do you badmouth the ex? Complain about the in-laws? Curse the family court system? Check out this quote from an article by Denise Ngo in Tango magazine:

“A recent study published in Psychological Science says that people are happier when they spend more time discussing meaningful topics than engaging in small talk. Seventy-nine college students had their conversations recorded and analyzed by researchers, who distinguished between chit-chat about the food or the weather from discussions about philosophy, education, or religion. Subjects who reported the greatest amount of satisfaction spent only 10 percent of their conversation on small talk, while the unhappiest subjects kept 28.3 of their talking time in the shallow end. Researchers have yet to conclude whether people are happy because they can talk deeply, or whether they talk deeply because they are happy.”

Marriage researcher John Gottman, has also written about how couples who feel like they have a higher purpose for being together are happier. For instance, couples who volunteer together or plan an exciting future they can look forward to find greater meaning in their relationship. For the next week, pay attention to what you and your spouse talk about. At least once take the time to talk about something bigger — your dreams, your goals, your hopes. Talk about the things you want to do before you die. Talk about what kind of contribution you both want to make to the world.


Spring One-On-One Coaching Special

23 03 2010

Dear Stepmom or Stepmom-to-Be:

Do you need help? Are you feeling isolated, angry or overwhelmed? I can help. And starting now through the month of April I am offering a special on my one-on-one coaching services because it’s spring! And everyone should feel hopeful in the spring.

“Jacque, I cannot begin to express how meaningful our conversations have been. Your concern, care and encouragement has been a hopeful light during a dark and challenging time. Thank you seems very inadequate, but it is most sincere.” –Stepmom of 3

I can help you if you are struggling with:

• Building a strong relationship with your partner

• Bonding with your stepchildren

• Stepparenting dilemmas

• Managing anger, jealousy, and resentment

• Dealing with the ex

• Combining his and her sets of kids in the same house

• Handling teenage and adult stepchildren

• Adding a new child to a stepfamily

• Preparing for your wedding day

Click here to learn more about my individualized coaching.

If you purchase the Spring Coaching Package you’ll receive

  • a FREE hour-long, get-to-know you consultation with me ($250 value)
  • Four, one-hour coaching calls over the course of four weeks ($800 value)
  • email access to me between group coaching sessions so you can ask questions that come up during the week
  • an autographed copy of my book A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom

The cost of the Spring Coaching Package is $500. That’s a big savings. Why? Because your success as a stepmother is important to me. For more information or to sign up for one-on-one coaching, email me at becomingastepmom (at) gmail (dot) com.

You can sustain the love and hope with which you entered your stepfamily if you choose to. It can work. It will take work. So, are you ready?


Jacquelyn Fletcher

Ask the Experts Day: March 24

23 03 2010

Stepmom Magazine is hosting an Ask the Experts Day on their FaceBook Fan Page on Wednesday, March 24 from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. EST. It’s FREE and all you have to do is be a member of FaceBook and a fan of the magazine to participate. I am sad to say that I won’t be able to join the conversation this time, but if you have questions sign on and chat with my colleagues and fellow stepfamily book authors: Wednesday Martin, Jennifer Newcomb Marine, Susan Wisdom and many more.

I See You

18 03 2010

My daughter is learning to talk and one of her favorite things to say is “I see you!” She says it to her stuffed bunny, her dolly, her cow figurine, and me. Every time she says it to me and looks me in the eyes, my heart fills up and I want to laugh and hug her tight.

Being seen is a basic need for many of us. And as stepmothers that need is challenged on a daily basis. One stepmother wrote me that she could stand in the middle of her living room and scream and no one in her family would notice. Another wrote to tell me she feels like a ghost every time she walks through the door of her home.

With children who look past us to find their biological parents or only speak directly to us if we’re the only ones home it can feel like we’re earthbound spirits tortured by those who have access to the life we want.

I have to admit that when my daughter says, “I see you!” it is a balm on a part of my soul that is bruised.

Today I want to say this to you, dear Stepmom: I SEE YOU.

Stepmom Magazine March Madness Special Offer

9 03 2010

If you don’t have a subscription to Stepmom Magazine, now is a good time to try it out. During the month of March if you purchase a year subscription ($48) you get 11 months of back issues for free. And then you can read all the articles that I’ve written for the magazine and fellow authors including Wednesday Martin, Izzy Rose, and Erin Erickson have contributed. Check it out.

Everything You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About Being a Stepmom…But Were Too Afraid to Ask

9 03 2010

Ladies: Erin over at the Erin Experiment, the creator of Stepchicks, and the Co-Founder of The Stepfamily Letter Project is working on a new book for stepmothers and she needs our help! Read her post below and send her your questions!

Guest post by Erin

I’m about to embark on a new and exciting project my dear ladies and gents.

After much contemplation, excitement, overjoyed and rambunctious e-mails to members of the Stepmom Posse as well as a few beers and some wings at BW3, I’ve decided I want to write a book.

One of the things that I love most about writing this blog, aside from the fact that I can write dirty words on it and no one gets mad at me, is that it — and by extension, I — helps answer questions a lot of stepmoms have.

I love helping people out. I love finding answers to questions and learning something in the process. I love making people laugh and I love the special stepmom connection I feel with so many of the wonderful people that read this blog.

All of that being said, I’ve decided I want to try and piece together a humorous advice book for anyone who’s ever known, been or may think they want to be a stepmom.

But I need your help. I need to know what you’ve always wanted to know about being a Stepmom but were too afraid to ask.

For instance…

  • Is it okay to have sex while my partner’s kids are at our house?
  • Am I within my rights to demand my stepdaughter not eat my Cheerios?
  • What clothes can I avoid to make me look less soccer mom and more sexy SMILF?
  • Why do my stepkids not understand showering? Or deodorant?
  • Is it okay to go AWOL on my birthday?
  • Do I really need to invite my stepkids to our wedding?
  • Should I hire security to keep his ex away?
  • Is it possible to have a ‘Stepmom Shower’ if I’m not having my own children but am marrying into them?
  • How many chores is too many chores for my stepkids?

You get the idea? Good.

Now, in order to turn this into a book you won’t be able to put down, I need a few hundred questions to volley at the Stepmom Posse (who have all graciously agreed to help answer any and all questions our fellow Stepmoms have…no matter how crass, gross, embarrassing, funny, or serious.)

Can I count on y’all for your help?

Awesome. To submit a question, e-mail me at erin [at] erinexperiment [dot] com. I promise to keep you posted on the status of this little ditty…and if we make the New York Times Best Seller list….well, then…drinks on me.

Group Coaching Session Starting the Week of March 15

2 03 2010


I am starting another Stepmom Circles Group Coaching session the week of March 15. Space is extremely limited so email me at becomingastepmom (at) gmail (dot) come if you want to reserve a spot.

The  Stepmom Circles group meets for an hour and a half each week for six weeks over the telephone. Every week I lead a discussion on a particular stepfamily challenge. (Creating a strong partnership with your spouse, dealing with the ex, bonding with the stepkids, handling your negative feelings, identifying common stepfamily mistakes, discovering what successful stepfamilies know). Then we have an open talk about your particular questions and issues.

The cost of a six-week session is $197. That’s about $32 per week.

As a member of a Stepmom Circles coaching group you’ll receive

  • a FREE half-hour, get-to-know you consultation with me over the phone before the class begins
  • email access to me between group coaching sessions so you can ask questions that come up during the week
  • an autographed copy of my book A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom

Because space is limited, you’ll need to reserve your spot fast.

Email becomingastepmom (@) gmail (dot) com for more information.