What Are Your Coping Methods?

21 01 2012

When I was a kid and complained about something in my life, my dad used to say to me, “Honey, life ain’t fair.” And, of course, he was right. Life isn’t fair. So what are you going to do about it? How are you going to cope when the inevitable difficulties arise? How will you avoid turning to behaviors that help you check out but are harmful to you? What things help you relieve stress or combat anger?

Some ideas from stepmoms around the globe:


Focus on your career

Go back to school



Get involved in a charity

Focus on your own kids

Hang out with your girlfriends

Turn to your hobbies or develop new ones

Focus on creating the strongest marriage you can

Go for walks


Get a pet

Build your own financial safety net

Read good books

Go to movies in the middle of the day

Take breaks from the entire family

Go to church




4 responses

21 01 2012

I would also add- communication, communication, communication 🙂 I know my husband has at times been so sick of my rambling on about his children and the subsequent dynamics in our home- but it has helped- a great deal. We are much more on the same page and thus I feel less alone.

23 01 2012

You know sometimes I find it really helpful to go through some stuff a counselor once told me. Ask yourself why you’re stressed. Is it because you are struggling with some kind of fatigue problem. If so get some rest. Is it because you are struggling with some issue at work or at home. If so is that because of your expectations. I often find it helpful to ask myself what I want and what I expect. It often explains to me why I am stressed and what to do about it. Even if it is only to change my expectations.

23 01 2012

Make it your business to acknowledge, understand and embrace stepfamily dynamics. Listen to Jacque Fletcher’s podcasts, read Laura Petherbridges “Smart Stepmom”, Wednesday Martin’s “Stepmonster” and Jacque Fletcher’s “Career Girl’s guide….Stepmother”. I have never felt so validated and “successful” in my stepmother role as I have since making it my business to understand my role, my stepkids role, my husbands role, the ex’s role. My self-esteem has returned! It was crushed – you wouldn’t know it by interacting with me but I was in a dark place after 15 years of uncertainty, rejection, resentments and downright bitterness at times – all while “doing the right thing” by the kids. I’m glad that I “put them first” but not that I lost my self, my choices, my strength and my joy. Thank you Jesus and you awesome researchers/stepmothers for restoring my peace and self-image!

9 02 2012

This is incredibly positive and very inspirational to read.
I’m sure that there are many Step-Mothers out there who feel very alone and detached from the family they have come in to.
Your new partner is the one who grabbed your attention and made you melt – now you have to consider other people and that includes his ex!
As I said its so great to hear that you’ve come through this and are looking at things pragmatically – after all – “it is what it is”. You either accept the situation and manage it intelligently OR you don’t
I would love to hear more experiences

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