Stepmom Bloggers: Too Angry?

M’Ladies:

There’s a hot debate going on right now over a post at the parenting website Babble. Writer Katie Allison Granju is a mom in a remarried family of her own whose husband is also remarried. Her post Blogging Through Divorce talks about the proliferation of angry stepmom blogs. I’d love to know your thoughts about this. I wrote my thoughts as a comment on her post and have reprinted them here:

“Thank you for your brave post. As a stepdaughter, stepmom, mom, and author of a book for stepmoms I can appreciate all sides of blended family life. While interviewing stepmoms across the country I found that a majority of them feel silenced in their homes. On top of that, when women ask for help from friends and family who are not stepmothers themselves, their advice can often make a stepmother feel even more isolated because they simply don’t understand how challenging the experience can be.

I am not at all surprised that many women turn to blogging as a way to vent their negative feelings. There’s a joke among stepmothers that we have scars on our tongues from biting them so often. But the Internet has created a place where stepmothers can reach out to each other for support–and as you’ve seen, many women have used it as a forum to air their grief, anger, and frustration.

That said, I completely agree with your sentiments about protecting our families from our negativity. The last thing a child needs is to read about the emotional struggles the adults in his/her life are going through. And what you write on the Internet is there for public consumption. It could seriously harm a child, disrupt relations with the other household you’re co-parenting with, or hurt your relationship with your spouse. 

We all need a place to vent but we also need to take the emotional journey to the next level so we’re not just stuck in hostility. It does no one any good.

When my stepson wants to tell me a fictional gory story about a shipwreck or a plane crash, I always ask him to give me a happy ending. And that’s what I want from stepmoms. Get your anger out…but then what? How can you evolve to a place of peace?”

When I wrote A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom and in the essays I write for this blog, I have had to evaluate the content carefully. I need to tell the truth because it’s important that stepmoms have a voice. Somebody has to tell it like it is! But I also write under my own name so I have to be careful. The last thing I want to do is blow up my family because of something I’ve written. There are stories about my own family that I refuse to write about. But the funny thing is, the stories about blended family life are so common that other women I interviewed have told the stories I haven’t.

A final thought on Katie Granju’s post: Remember that every single person within our blended family has a unique and compelling story to tell. If we listen with open hearts to the ex wives in our lives, I bet we would find something to feel compassionate about. We are all human. Even the exes.

So tell me what you think! Are stepmom bloggers too angry? And if you’re blogging, how do you walk the line between truth and harming your family? If you’re writing anonymously, what do you think would happen if you were found out?